Los 12 dias de la Navidad

My Jewish friends and family (and many of my gentile loved ones, too) know that Christmas in the states is often a time of alienation for me and a difficult time of decisions for all Jews. To what degree do we join in the festivities? What do we say when strangers or coworkers blithely wish us a "Merry Christmas"? It is a time when being a minority is most in our faces, and when not engaging in the "Christmas Spirit" often gets one called a "Grinch" or "Scrooge."

As a child, my family celebrated Christmas -- in that we had a tree, gifts, and stockings -- until my dad converted to Judaism, when I was about 12. It was not a religious holiday for us -- we were raised as Jews, not as "mixed", but still we celebrated my dad's childhood holiday and excuse to give us more presents. After his conversion, my family started a new annual tradition: the Christmas Bagel Brunch. We invited other Jewish families over for bagels and blintz casserole and the other kids and I played board games while the adults chatted. As an adult, Christmas has been mostly uncelebrated. A day when everything is closed, or when my parents and I are driving home from visiting our relatives in Santa Barbara who have gathered for the holiday.

I have been lucky (I like to think "blessed", without taking on the full denotation of that word, and fully exploiting the passive nature of that participle) with an in-law family who both love Christmas wholeheartedly, and try to understand my own experience and its lack of importance to me. As a mostly-outsider I can report that Christmas with the Gardners is not religion, it is family traditions. Christmas Eve is a fairy walk through the woods across the street that ends in hot apple cider and cocoa; it is grinders (more later on that) and a wild white elephant exchange where you may end up with duct tape. It is the adults staying up late to stuff the stockings and our niece struggling with her belief in Santa Claus while her classmates tell her there is no such thing. It is warm candle light, silly jokes, and hopeful gifts. I still feel conflicted at Christmas, but if there is a family to welcome me into the fold, the Gardner family is it.

Christmas in Mexico is a different story. Someone I was talking to, maybe it was my mom, made the point that we're already foreigners here, so watching and participating in Christmas is more like the other festivities and culture -- we are outsiders, so we do not struggle with being insiders. That, and there is just something about Catholicism in Mexico that I find so much more appealing than so much of the Christian dogma in the states. Maybe it is the indigenous influence, maybe it is the ease with which it is practiced here -- not a fight, but just a way of life (and yes, I know that is mostly due to not having had other religions to conflict with for a long time, though that has changed with the increase of protestantism in recent years), maybe it is the Guatalupense influence -- the import of the Virgin of Guadalupe over that of Jesus. I am not sure, and I may be romanticizing it a bit, due to being a foreigner. Whatever the reason, I felt prepared to jump in and see what I could see, experience what I could experience.

That said, here is a list -- 12 items to follow the tradition -- of memories and reflections about our experience of Christmas in Mexico:

1. Not going home for Christmas was a difficult decision, and we know it was hard for those back home too.

2. Jesse and Elianna were here for the holiday and so Peter and I named it A Very Jewy Christmas. Then Beth was able to get a flight down here too and she arrived early Christmas morning!

3. Elianna was very careful to make sure Peter had a special Christmas, not being home with his family and all, and bought him a tree -- well, a shrubbery, and we decorated it (see photo).

4. Then we made grinders (salami sandwiches, yum), per Gardner traditional Christmas Eve.

5. We also spoke with many parts of our families throughout the two days. Skype is so great for this, and it was fun to chat with all those people in one place (my parents in Santa Barbara with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and Peter's family all gathered together in Pacific Grove).

6. We got a toy for our landlords' grandson, Alex. He wanted to open it right away, but his dad made him put it under their tree.

7. We gave the beggar family that we favor a larger amount of money on Christmas Eve, too.

8. Posadas! I had wanted to see one, and was away when they began. However, on the 23rd, I learned from some people we know that there might be one at one of the churches in town, so we went and waited for their mass to end. Usually, I think, these are in the streets, but this one was all within the church. And yes, I ended up singing with the "choir". We were given candles (just like Hanuka candles) and little sparklers and we joined the procession of people walking with the carried float of Joseph and Mary looking for a place to stay (and give birth). The small, tuneless group at the podium had song-sheets and I wanted to see what everyone was singing (I was right that it's a back and forth conversation between J&M and the people inside each residence, telling them they have no place for them), as I was there already, I decided to sing along for a verse. The people up there (not sure how they got chosen, though supposedly they were being led by an altar boy), didn't seem to know the tune much better than I did, except for an older woman who corrected everyone's melody. At the end, we tried to sneak out, but the only way out was the central door, where the congregation had lined up and was receiving a bag of fruit and one of candy on their way out. After trying to find another way out, a man insisted we receive the treats and sent his son over to grab 4 bags of each. Clutching our gifts, we again tried to leave by another door, but there was no other, so we ended up wedging ourselves into the line apologetically to get out. Then (yes, there is more), the pinata started outside, with the smallest children going first. Not just outside, but directly outside the door where everyone was leaving.

9. Some of my liberal friends here just don't really "do" Christmas. I have been thinking a bit about how that is, as it seems like back home, even the otherwise completely non-observant Christians set aside the day for family and presents. I know that the 25th is not the traditional present day here, but still, it is a holiday. I think it may have to do with the more religious aspects of the holiday. My friend here told me she is not very religious, so she doesn't go in for Christmas. Simultaneously, she doesn't like all the capitalism and marketing of it, I think. That bit seems to be mostly an import from our dear country (well, Mexico is very capitalist, but as I said, they didn't used to have Santa and gifts on the 25th). One friend didn't even go to her nearby city to join her family. "The roads are bad for driving at this time," she said. "I'll go over the weekend." Is it the secularization of Christmas or our Puritan roots that makes Christmas just such a big deal in the U.S.? Insights welcome.

10. Peter's family sent us a wonderful box of presents, including an ornament for our tree (that mysteriously mirrored the ornament we made his parents), awesome gifts, and a stocking full of treats! Peter made "stockings" (actually, gloves) for all of us, and was so happy to have one sent to him.

11. At midnight, firecrackers popped, and families rocked their newborn baby Jesuses, singing carols we didn't recognize. Still, when we walk around town, we see women carrying baby Jesus dolls (the kind that go in large nativity scenes). We think that it is a continuation of the cradling tradition: Jesus was born, and now we pretend he's our baby? I need to ask my friends about this. When do they stop carrying him?

12. We opened presents on Christmas morning and headed downtown, thinking it would be deserted. Nope. Packed. It is vacation time, after all, and Mexican tourists are here, too. Restaurants and even gift stores were open. We ate at one restaurant that included a long table full of an extended family (luckily we arrived right before them), then headed to our friend Erika's house, where she was hosting the Christmas "orphans" for a drop-in gathering. She had made delicious quiche and eggplant parmesan (she has an oven!), and Jesse made yummy eggnog at my request.

(photos by Jesse Friedman and Elianna Roffman)

On Visitors

Our first guests from home have come and gone. My cousin Jesse and his fiancee Elianna came to visit us for four nights. It was such a treat having them here. We have an extra bedroom for just this reason, and have been encouraging folks back home to take advantage of it.

I have been happy here and Peter and I have been doing really well. We have met like-minded people with whom we enjoy spending time and have strengthened our own relationship. However, I didn't realize how isolated I felt until I had people who knew me well show up. There is something comforting about old friends and family, and Jesse and Eli are both of those. We laughed a lot, and teased each other, and managed to celebrate a nice Christmas even though 3/4 of us are Jewish and while missing family back home. We had a couple new friends over for Christmas Eve dinner, which of course was the Gardner family tradition: grinders (salami sandwiches).

Christmas morning, I walked down the hill early and waited for Beth's taxi. Beth is one of my oldest and closest friends and was able to get a ticket just last week to come see us. She and my cousins overlapped for a fun day.

Next, Rahel and Caroline come, and then, we hope, my brother Mark. In the spring, my parents will fly down. It is exciting and wonderful how many people are taking advantage of our location to come visit us!

In some ways it is surreal having people visit. I was walking down the street yesterday with Jesse and Eli in front of me and Beth next to me, looking up at my familiar buildings from my then looking at these people I love from home and felt disjointed, like my life had been photoshopped. And yet, here they were. Showing new people our city is both exciting and daunting -- what if they don't like this restaurant or shop? I can't wait to show them this view! Most of all, though, it is hard seeing them go. These visitors remind me why I will go home again to Berkeley and where my home really is, even as I enjoy this adventure.

By the way, if you are thinking that our pictures suddenly got a lot better, well they did. Jesse is a great photographer (and has a kick-ass camera). His fantastic pictures of their time here (along with a bunch from Mexico City before they got here) can be found here. And his always wonderful blog, which includes posts about his culinary experiences in Mexico is here.

Back from San Jose del Cabo

My friend Anne whisked me away to Los Cabos for about a week with her and her two sons (Joshua, 3, and Eitan, 6 mos.). We rented a condo in a resort (my first resort stay, I think) with a giant pool, two large hot tubs, and a swim-up bar (definitely my first - whooo!). Oh yeah, and there was a beach there, too.

To get there, I took a bus to Guadalajara and spent the night there before flying to Cabo the next afternoon. I managed to do a whirlwind visit in Guadalajara, taking in the Cathedral, some Orozco murals, and a torta ahogada. Guadalajara was a neat city and it was a treat to be somewhere so cosmopolitan after my recent small-town living.

We spent some days around the hotel, and some days took the bus to nearby snorkel beaches. At Chileno, I saw tons of fish of all sorts. Playa Santa Maria had fewer fish, but more interesting types. I loved seeing the gobis, who flit around on the rocks, and which I've seen in the Monterrey Aquarium, but never wild. I also saw an amazing rock fish - fairly large, and with beautiful splotches that helped it blend with the coral. Another treat were two large, spotted puffer fish (not puffed) who lingered around. Also saw parrot fish, angel fish, and all those types whose names I never learn but always make me glow with joy and wonder at the colors that occur in nature (neon blues!).

Also good was food. I ate more poor little shrimp (I often think about each one being a life, but I still love to eat them) in the 6 nights than I can count. There were shrimp tacos from the hotel's restaurant, delivered poolside (and, I would like to mention again the swim-up bar, which had happy hour 2x1 from 2-4pm every day, followed immediately by the sports bar's happy hour only about 50 feet away); coconut shrimp at Sardina's, the good fish restaurant at the top of our hotel's driveway; delicious tequila shrimp and beautiful but only good shrimp, avocado, and mango cocktail at Havana's; shrimp and sometimes octopus cocktail pretty much anywhere (eaten with mayonnaise on corn chips instead of saltines because Anne can't eat wheat right now, and I prefer the chips). Also enjoyed two different taco places: one more traditional meat with a pastor brasserie and delicious cebollitas (green onions roasted on the grill with something like vinegar on top), the other more of a seafood place who had a variety of seafood tacos.

One night we went into downtown San Jose del Cabo to a restaurant called Salsita. It was beautiful inside, with low lighting and various artisan hearts hanging from mobiles or on the blue walls. I commented that it was the decor I would use if I were opening a restaurant in Mexico. The food we had was the best of the trip: shrimp tacos in raw, sliced jicama "tortillas", arugula salad with grilled calamari on it (how I miss arugula!), and one of the best dishes I have had in recent memory: pulpo al ajillo (octopus cooked with garlic and guajillo chilies). The octopus was soft and tender and rich with the garlic and chili flavors.

Meanwhile, I got some great bonding time with Joshua and Eitan and some good chats with Anne. I have missed hearing Joshua call me Juju, and Eitan is laughing now! I babysat Eitan a few times while Anne and Joshua did other things and it was wonderful bonding with him. Anne and I got some catch-up time after the kids when to bed or while Eitan was napping and Joshua was playing in the pool (while we sat next to him in the hot tub). This is the second time she and I have come to Mexico together without the menfolk. Last time, we went to Yelapa (near Puerto Vallarta) with Joshua when he was only one.

Finally, it was time to come home. I flew back to Guadalajara, took a taxi to the bus station, and took the next bus home, to arrive close to midnight, walking up our old callejon with a spring in my step (though not sure if I would have to get re-accustomed to our altitude) to see Peter again.

Hanuka Latkes

We invited just a few friends over to our apartment for a Hanuka party last night. We had Sandra and Bere (our friends who own the Bagel Cafe, both from Guanajuato or nearby), Trine and Christian and their baby Peter from Norway, and Erika most recently from Oakland. I was the only Jew (I invited my teacher, Vicente, and his Jewish girlfriend, but he was away this weekend).

I made latkes, carefully lowering the temperature after reading about frying at high altitude (and without an oven in which to keep them warm, I started frying them when the guests arrived). It took them forever to cook. Eventually, I did raise the heat and they did fine.

Peter made applesauce (found Granny Smiths and Galas from Washington in the Mega!), and it was delicious with the latkes, along with some crema. We served beer, Palomas, and red wine from Trine and Christian. We had borrowed extra chairs from the Bagel Cafetin (and a food processor! I nearly cried for joy!). Sandra asked me if I had made the dressing we served for dipping the super-sweet carrots and crispy cellery (no, it was bottled Ranch -- when I took a bite, I swooned to Peter, "It tastes like home!")

I told the story of Hanuka in Spanish, and then sang the blessings (as best I could) and lit candles.

Languages switched off: Spanish, English, Spanish, Norwegian, Spanish, etc.

Eventually, after an interesting comparison of Norway and Mexico in terms of Church and State and abortion laws/values, Christian and Trine gave up on their hope of Peter sleeping at our house (after a valiant effort), and took him home.

The rest of us pulled out the Mexican version of the dreidel Peter had bought and the candy and gum we had gathered and started playing. It was fun, though I do think it's more interesting when you are 8 and really want to win. At one point, we caught Sandra chewing some of her winnings mid-game!

Eventually, Sandra and Bere had to leave to go await a late-arriving guest for their hostel, and we said goodnight to our guests. Peter and I cleaned up a little and drifted off to bed, satisfied that we are building friendships with great people.

And yes, we took pictures, but no time to load them yet in the hustle of leaving today for Guadalajara.

More pics are up!

Our neighborhood, a trip up the hill to a pretty church and the discovery, while there, of a mezcal bar, a Virgin of Guadalupe parade, the arrival of the circus, the first night of Hanuka.

Cabo Bound

I am in Guadalajara for the night and tomorrow fly to Cabo San Lucas. This may seem sudden, and it is. My friend Anne came up with the plan suddenly and invited me to meet her and her kids there. I bought my plane ticket on Saturday, left Peter in Guanajuato, and took the bus today.

I chose to take a slightly more fancy bus line here than usual and they gave me the teacher discount (it was about 25%!). The seats were bigger and with leg rests, and there was wifi! Not enough to watch a tv show, but enough to tell everyone I could find online.

It is strange to be in a large city like Guadalajara. I have never been here. I don't have much time to look around, but after dinner (chicken with a flauta, enchilada, and sope, horchata, and jericallas for dessert -- like flan but without the syrup at the bottom and a lighter flavor), I walked over to the cathedral and theater and just took in the sights.

Right now Guadalajara has lots of Christmas lights up. I enjoyed looking at them and watching the pretty horse-drawn carriages go by. Also, as I got closer to the cathedral and central area, there were more and more Santas. Each one came with a photographer (not an elf, just a person) and each had his own house or workshop or sleigh, and they all had identical reindeer. I guess here there is no "real santa", just whichever one your kid picks. I think I saw one with only one arm. I definitely heard a few chuckling "jo jo jo" while holding their panzas (the Santas here might stand up when they are waiting for people to come) as people passed by. As I understand it, this is influence from the U.S. Traditionally in Mexico, as in Spain, the three kings bring the presents (on January 6).

Anne, Joshua, Eitan, and I will be staying in a condo in San Jose del Cabo. While I am normally a snob about "real Mexico" and such, I am kinda looking forward to the luxury. And the pool. Oh, and the swim-up bar! I have never experienced one (I think I only just saw my first, from the bus from Zihuatanejo when it stopped in Ixtapa). Plus, I get to see my friend and my kiddies!

This will begin the stretch of visits. I come home the day before my cousin, Jesse, and his fiancee Elianna, arrive. Then our friend Beth comes, and then our friends Rahel and Caroline, all in rapid succession. I am super excited and I'm glad our spare room will be getting so much use!

Meanwhile, Peter continues to take his classes (officially in intermediate level! and he starts learning the past tenses!) this week. I told the school I am taking two weeks off. I will see if it makes sense for me to go back for a couple hours a day or something once my friends arrive.

Someone (U.S. or Canadian) in the kitchen near me just said, "Oh, I can drink the tap water. I've been drinking the tap water for over a year." (ok, probably U.S.)

Random bits, #33 (some of which is normal news, but lazily recounted as a list)

1. Not so random, but update: I didn't end up signing up for the 12-week program after all. I thought I had, but that was some sort of misunderstanding and then I changed my mind once I learned that there were more restrictions that didn't suit me.

2. At this point we frequently hear parades. I still get a little excited though I am not going to go down from my home to see them. We were at a restaurant when we heard one recently and I went running off to see what it was. It was a small parade with two military h.s. bands, a group of traditional dancers, and men on horses with small clear boxes on their backs that were carrying small saints (baby saints?). One girl carried a banner with the Virgin of Guadalupe. Also, we hear firecrackers about daily, or maybe the cannon. It is December, after all, and the Dia de la Virgen (her appearance, that is) is Saturday, and then there's that other holiday coming up...what was it called again?

3. Speaking of the Virgin of Guadalupe, I have become pretty enchanted this trip with her image and story.

4. We are hosting a small Hanuka party on Sunday. It is possible I will be the only Jew at it, but my teacher's girlfriend is invited, and she's also Jewish (from NY, and I have not met her). I will make latkes!

5. Peter is ingratiating himself to the local dogs. He carried treats with him and tosses a couple up to our neighbor roof rottweiler, as well as to the other dogs on our street.

6. Our landlady left us a poinsettia last week, which was sweet. In Spanish, they are called "Noche Buena" or "Good night" which is also the name for Christmas Eve.

7. I have started collecting different languages' versions of "What am I, chopped liver?" Upon arrival, I already knew that in Hebrew, one says, "What am I, a goat?" My teacher Alejandro told me that in Spanish the phrase is, "What am I, painted on the wall?" Today our new Norwegian friends could not think of anything beyond, "What am I, invisible?" but they loved the chopped liver one. Tomorrow I plan to ask my classmate from South Korea if they have a version, and maybe my other classmate from Germany. Any of y'all know of any others?

8. Perhaps, if our ignored parades could talk, they might ask if they are painted on the wall. Or if they are made of chopped liver or goat.

New Classes Again

I signed up for 12 weeks of classes, 3 hours a day. That's a lot of class. For next week, I chose to take literature (helping to make a quorum so it will be offered) and two hours of grammar. I also signed up to take cooking a few afternoons during the week (starting Monday and then we'll see). Doing the 12 week program is a big commitment, especially because you are only officially allowed one week off during that time (and the school itself runs through the winter holidays, except two days off on Christmas and New Year's Day), but it is also a good deal.
Peter will continue to take 4 classes a day next week and I believe the week after, and then will decide.
My classmates will shift a little also and include a guy from Holland and a guy from South Korea.

In other news, we are thinking of throwing a small Hanuka party! We would make latkes, buy donuts, light candles (at the Christmas kiosks, I found small candles used for the posadas that are exactly the same as Hanuka candles!), play dreidel (they also sell tops for kids that have "win all" and other instructions on the sides), drink margaritas ...oh, is that not a Hanuka tradition (yet)? When I have told my new acquaintances here that I'm Jewish, they have been very interested and I think they'd enjoy the experience like I look forward to seeing the posadas and how Christmas is celebrated here.

Speaking of which, little Alex and I surprised Peter by decorating our apartment with some xmas decorations I got at the Christmas market kiosks. Alex was very proud of his choices of placement. He also mistook my instructions about the surprise ("Don't tell Peter" though, really, he probably could have said anything he wanted and Peter would not have really understood even as his Spanish improves immensely), and thought we were also going to jump out and yell surprise as part of it, but I have assured him that we will do that another time.

Last night one of my teachers gave part one of a lecture on the Economy of Mexico. It was interesting, and I plan to attend part 2 next week.

Apartment Photos are up

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