Los 12 dias de la Navidad

My Jewish friends and family (and many of my gentile loved ones, too) know that Christmas in the states is often a time of alienation for me and a difficult time of decisions for all Jews. To what degree do we join in the festivities? What do we say when strangers or coworkers blithely wish us a "Merry Christmas"? It is a time when being a minority is most in our faces, and when not engaging in the "Christmas Spirit" often gets one called a "Grinch" or "Scrooge."

As a child, my family celebrated Christmas -- in that we had a tree, gifts, and stockings -- until my dad converted to Judaism, when I was about 12. It was not a religious holiday for us -- we were raised as Jews, not as "mixed", but still we celebrated my dad's childhood holiday and excuse to give us more presents. After his conversion, my family started a new annual tradition: the Christmas Bagel Brunch. We invited other Jewish families over for bagels and blintz casserole and the other kids and I played board games while the adults chatted. As an adult, Christmas has been mostly uncelebrated. A day when everything is closed, or when my parents and I are driving home from visiting our relatives in Santa Barbara who have gathered for the holiday.

I have been lucky (I like to think "blessed", without taking on the full denotation of that word, and fully exploiting the passive nature of that participle) with an in-law family who both love Christmas wholeheartedly, and try to understand my own experience and its lack of importance to me. As a mostly-outsider I can report that Christmas with the Gardners is not religion, it is family traditions. Christmas Eve is a fairy walk through the woods across the street that ends in hot apple cider and cocoa; it is grinders (more later on that) and a wild white elephant exchange where you may end up with duct tape. It is the adults staying up late to stuff the stockings and our niece struggling with her belief in Santa Claus while her classmates tell her there is no such thing. It is warm candle light, silly jokes, and hopeful gifts. I still feel conflicted at Christmas, but if there is a family to welcome me into the fold, the Gardner family is it.

Christmas in Mexico is a different story. Someone I was talking to, maybe it was my mom, made the point that we're already foreigners here, so watching and participating in Christmas is more like the other festivities and culture -- we are outsiders, so we do not struggle with being insiders. That, and there is just something about Catholicism in Mexico that I find so much more appealing than so much of the Christian dogma in the states. Maybe it is the indigenous influence, maybe it is the ease with which it is practiced here -- not a fight, but just a way of life (and yes, I know that is mostly due to not having had other religions to conflict with for a long time, though that has changed with the increase of protestantism in recent years), maybe it is the Guatalupense influence -- the import of the Virgin of Guadalupe over that of Jesus. I am not sure, and I may be romanticizing it a bit, due to being a foreigner. Whatever the reason, I felt prepared to jump in and see what I could see, experience what I could experience.

That said, here is a list -- 12 items to follow the tradition -- of memories and reflections about our experience of Christmas in Mexico:

1. Not going home for Christmas was a difficult decision, and we know it was hard for those back home too.

2. Jesse and Elianna were here for the holiday and so Peter and I named it A Very Jewy Christmas. Then Beth was able to get a flight down here too and she arrived early Christmas morning!

3. Elianna was very careful to make sure Peter had a special Christmas, not being home with his family and all, and bought him a tree -- well, a shrubbery, and we decorated it (see photo).

4. Then we made grinders (salami sandwiches, yum), per Gardner traditional Christmas Eve.

5. We also spoke with many parts of our families throughout the two days. Skype is so great for this, and it was fun to chat with all those people in one place (my parents in Santa Barbara with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and Peter's family all gathered together in Pacific Grove).

6. We got a toy for our landlords' grandson, Alex. He wanted to open it right away, but his dad made him put it under their tree.

7. We gave the beggar family that we favor a larger amount of money on Christmas Eve, too.

8. Posadas! I had wanted to see one, and was away when they began. However, on the 23rd, I learned from some people we know that there might be one at one of the churches in town, so we went and waited for their mass to end. Usually, I think, these are in the streets, but this one was all within the church. And yes, I ended up singing with the "choir". We were given candles (just like Hanuka candles) and little sparklers and we joined the procession of people walking with the carried float of Joseph and Mary looking for a place to stay (and give birth). The small, tuneless group at the podium had song-sheets and I wanted to see what everyone was singing (I was right that it's a back and forth conversation between J&M and the people inside each residence, telling them they have no place for them), as I was there already, I decided to sing along for a verse. The people up there (not sure how they got chosen, though supposedly they were being led by an altar boy), didn't seem to know the tune much better than I did, except for an older woman who corrected everyone's melody. At the end, we tried to sneak out, but the only way out was the central door, where the congregation had lined up and was receiving a bag of fruit and one of candy on their way out. After trying to find another way out, a man insisted we receive the treats and sent his son over to grab 4 bags of each. Clutching our gifts, we again tried to leave by another door, but there was no other, so we ended up wedging ourselves into the line apologetically to get out. Then (yes, there is more), the pinata started outside, with the smallest children going first. Not just outside, but directly outside the door where everyone was leaving.

9. Some of my liberal friends here just don't really "do" Christmas. I have been thinking a bit about how that is, as it seems like back home, even the otherwise completely non-observant Christians set aside the day for family and presents. I know that the 25th is not the traditional present day here, but still, it is a holiday. I think it may have to do with the more religious aspects of the holiday. My friend here told me she is not very religious, so she doesn't go in for Christmas. Simultaneously, she doesn't like all the capitalism and marketing of it, I think. That bit seems to be mostly an import from our dear country (well, Mexico is very capitalist, but as I said, they didn't used to have Santa and gifts on the 25th). One friend didn't even go to her nearby city to join her family. "The roads are bad for driving at this time," she said. "I'll go over the weekend." Is it the secularization of Christmas or our Puritan roots that makes Christmas just such a big deal in the U.S.? Insights welcome.

10. Peter's family sent us a wonderful box of presents, including an ornament for our tree (that mysteriously mirrored the ornament we made his parents), awesome gifts, and a stocking full of treats! Peter made "stockings" (actually, gloves) for all of us, and was so happy to have one sent to him.

11. At midnight, firecrackers popped, and families rocked their newborn baby Jesuses, singing carols we didn't recognize. Still, when we walk around town, we see women carrying baby Jesus dolls (the kind that go in large nativity scenes). We think that it is a continuation of the cradling tradition: Jesus was born, and now we pretend he's our baby? I need to ask my friends about this. When do they stop carrying him?

12. We opened presents on Christmas morning and headed downtown, thinking it would be deserted. Nope. Packed. It is vacation time, after all, and Mexican tourists are here, too. Restaurants and even gift stores were open. We ate at one restaurant that included a long table full of an extended family (luckily we arrived right before them), then headed to our friend Erika's house, where she was hosting the Christmas "orphans" for a drop-in gathering. She had made delicious quiche and eggplant parmesan (she has an oven!), and Jesse made yummy eggnog at my request.

(photos by Jesse Friedman and Elianna Roffman)